top 13

This is my review of the show tonight. I may or may not do this every week. We'll see how it goes. 

 

So the judges walking out on stage. . .not a big fan. What was that? 

 

Awkward. Very very awkward is what that was. 

 

Also, if Kara could go away and never come back, that would be awesome. 

Could she maybe NOT be so transparent about just wanting the winner to make money for 19? And they should stop putting down Taylor Hicks with the whole "we want whoever wins to sound good on the radio thing". I mean, it's not his fault that he is a young man in a old man's body. He is like the original Benjamin Button, and no one can deny him of that.

 

Paula had some work done, and Randy and Simon are still annoying.

 

Wow, I'm being negative tonight. 

 

I do love Ryan though. 

 

I don't want to be mean, but when the blind guy ran out on the stage with his brother. My mind very quickly went to the dog shows where the handlers are running with the dogs. I'm sorry. It did. I can't pretend I didn't think that. 

 

Also, if Megan Joy could keep her boobies more inside her clothes, that would be awesome, thanks. 

 

Footage of Michael Jackson should not be allowed on Prime Time TV. It scares the children. Don't worry MJ fans, I'm not denying his incredible musical talent. I'm just speaking the truth, he is scary. 

 

Nice move putting Lil' Rounds first, it made us not think that they want her to be in the top three. Something attacked her shoulder. She got into a fight with a cotton candy maker. Apparently, She lost. 

 

Uhmmm, Kara saying "holy god" on national television after hearing Lil's performance was not a wise choice. I think she forgot the viewing demographic. 

 

Scott's family seems really nice, and his piano playing was a great touch. That's all I can say because I don't want to sound like I hate blind people. 

 

Kara. Shut up. 

 

Ugh, Paula, you need to not get work done right before going on national television. 

 

Randy. Shut up. 

 

Ryan. You're short. 

 

Paula, scout's honor is not a peace sign. 

 

Danny. . . Danny, Danny, Danny. You're not blind, so I will hate you. The fact that your glasses match your shirt EXACTLY is reason enough for me to hate you. Don't make it so easy Danny, please. Your old man dancing is ridiculous looking. Your excuses for dancing and singing were douchey. Douchey douchey man. 

 

I dub him Danny Douchey. 

 

Really though, how many pairs of glasses can one person own?

 

Michael Sarver = cannon fodder. That is all I have to say about that. Nice guy though, too bad.

Oh, and is Randy CRAZY? It sucked. Kara's facial expressions make me want to throw up, and I just ate a burrito for dinner, so I will not enjoy that. 

 

Hahahahahaha, Ryan looking at the wrong camera made my NIGHT. I'm not even kidding. I want to watch that over and over. In fact, I will, and I AM. 

And Ryan, jokes about our devastating economy are not funny. 

 

Jasmine: you remind me of Syesha, and yes, I mean that in the worst way possible. Her make up was beautiful though. So that was good. 

 

Randy, we all know you worked with Mariah Carey. No, really, you've told us. . many times. Like, I think you are more known for working with Mariah than Journey by now. 

 

I really hope that someone comes on that I like soon. I might just turn into a hateful American Idol fan. 

 

Kris, I'm excited for him. Maybe my wish will come true. He and his wife are so cute! Matching aprons? I want to punch them! (in a good way)

He sings out of the side of his mouth just like Jason Mraz. I'm a big fan of the side mouth singing. Ha. 

 

OKAY. He is totally my favorite of the night so far. I'm surprised Kara didn't bring up "radioability". 

 

Kris's wife's thought process: *Paula Abdul is hitting on my husband, Paula Abdul is hitting on my husband*

 

He might be my favorite of the season, we'll see. 

 

 Allison time, I still can't get over that she is 16. They kinda crapped with her hair though. I want to like her, but I'm afraid she is just going to do the same thing every week. 

 

It keeps freaking me out that they are going from random judge to random judge. They need to start with Randy and end with Simon. I need organization. 

 

Anoop. I want him to stay just so I can hear his name being said with the stress being put on the "noop" part of his name. Because apparently that is the cool way to say it. I loved his performance though. The judges are stupid. Up their's. Come on Indian population of America, come through for Anoop! I want to hear him again! 

 

Kara. Shut up. 

 

Jorge (pronounced "horriblehey") is really nice, but. . . he is not going to make 19 any money. So we won't be seeing much more of him. 

 

Kara. Shut up. You and your racist comments. 

 

Megan! She was my favorite in Hollywood. I hope she does okay. She looks ahhhdorable. 

So I love this song, and basically I love her too. Ahahahaha, she cawed. That is hilarious. I'm sure everyone else will hate that, but I thought it was hilarious. 

 

Uhhhhh, Kara. Shut up. 

 

And actually, Simon can shut up this time too. I can't really think of a better song for her. 

 

The only thing I don't like about her is her whole name change thing. Megan Corkery was a super cool name. Megan Joy is like, "I'm home schooled and have a sister named Hannah".

 

Gordon Ramsey? Are we cooking now? Why would they bring him into this? Are the just dropping names? I'm so confused. 

 

Hey look, it's Adam, my other least favorite contestant. His mom reminds me of Dr. Cox's wife from Scrubs. I can't remember her name. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. If he could stop placing his hand so close to his male parts, that would be awesome. Okay, I'm not going to deny that he can sing. . . better than anyone else. . .because he really can. But he makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth. 

 

Is he crying? 

 

And Paula, his fashion is kinda ridiculous. Sooooo. . . 

but yes, he will be in the finals. 

 

And Randy, he is not current. At all. 

 

How does Ryan know what a herkie is? I didn't even know. . .

 

Ryan's thought process: *Adam, please don't start making out with me, please don't start making out with me. . . or crush me because you are so much bigger than me* 

 

My mom hates Matt Giraud, so I'll try not to be biased. Okay, so far I would like him to go through. Maybe not super far, but I would like to see more of him (not actually SEE, because he is not so good looking). His dad was sweet, a little overly emotional, but sweet. I have an issue with overly emotional men, I don't know why, probably because my dad has emotions of steel, so I'm not used to it. Totally freaks me out. Wow Matt, falsetto much? Was the last half of his song not even words? Just *ahhhh la la la la*. Okay, whatever. It worked, he was good. 

 

Paula, he is not sexy.

 

WHY IS THERE A COMMERCIAL BETWEEN EVERY SINGLE PERFORMANCE??

 

Alexis, were you a stripper in another life? Because. . I'm getting that vibe right now, and it makes me feel awkward. But she is kinda really amazing, so I guess she can have stripper moves if that works for her. I love her hair a lot. FYI. Okay, that was really good. 

 

Uhhhhh, Kara is now being awkward. Please don't hit on the contestants. 

 

If I didn't love Megan so much, then Alexis would be my favorite girl. 

 

So, rule changes. . . speculation: the judges have more of a say. Awesome, keep on coming socialism. We welcome you with open arms. 

 

Goodbye sweet America. 

 

In other news, can the group number tomorrow PLEASE be Thriller? And they can do the dance? Yes? Please? I would love and watch the show forever (. . .not that I won't otherwise).

 

Kris Allen. He is my favorite this season. 

 

I'm sorry I've been so negative. Maybe I'm having hormonal issues. 

 

What's new? Ha.

 

I'm really sorry if I've been offensive. I try not to be. Sometimes I can only express my feelings through cynicism. At least I mostly geared it at Kara. 

 

Who can shut up now.