Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Top 7 results


I hate how they make everything so dramatic. 

This is a karaoke show after all. 

A great wonderful amazing karaoke show, but still. . . it does not deserve this intense introduction every week. 

Ryan, I miss your tie bar. Bring it back.

Woo! Earth Day! 

Woo! David Archuleta! 

Woo! Paula Abdul! 

Ahahaha, Adam and his paper towel for his sweat. So funny. 

My mom wants a Paula Abdul work out video. 

Wait. . soooo. . why doesn't Paula always do the choreography? I love her dress too. 

. . . That was my least favorite Ford music video ever. You have disappointed me American Idol. 

Lil'. . . good. Final three. You should be. Her makeup always looks so nice. She has really good eyelids. 

Wait . . . why did they just eliminate her just now? That was weird. They are wasting no time tonight. Well, it was her time for sure. 

Who is the plastic woman who just walked out on the stage? Frieda? Who? Remind me never to have plastic surgery. That was a train wreck. 

This lady in the ugly yellow dress sounds better than the last lady. But this is still horrible. And her boobies are about to explode out of her dress. 

Why is it that none of these disco stars can sing? This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. They can't even dance. I'm really happy that disco is dead. . . because. . . I would be beside myself. 

Kris! Safe! Because he is amazing! How can he not be safe? I love him. And his wife is so cute. It's ridiculous. 

Adam is also safe of course. . . he is going to win the whole thing. 

Danny is lame. I'm not even acknowledging him tonight. 

Anoop, bottom. . . I guess it makes sense. Although, I would rather the man I'm not acknowledging tonight would be in the bottom instead. That's not happening anytime soon. 

Matt and Allison. How is matt's mole centered so perfectly in the middle of this forehead? 

What? Allison is in the bottom three? That's kinda crazy. . . no love for the girls tonight. 

Lovable David Archuleta! Coming up next? Yay! 

He is so little, and so cute. 

Wait. .  David. . . why can you not sing? What happened to your wonderful voice? Why are you so flat and. . . off? Are you sick? 

He is so adorable though, and I just want to hug him. Is it weird that I view him as being about 15? Because I'm pretty sure he is about my age. 

Aw, and his jumping around! I'm still confused as to why this doesn't sound better. I mean, I've heard him live. . and he is basically really good. . like giving you goose bumps good. But that was. . . not as good as I was thinking it was going to be. 

Oh gaspy, I love you. 

Aw, Anoop. . . we loved you. You have a beautiful voice. You should have stayed, and the name that shall not be named should be going home. 


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Top 7. . . again?


The judges save is really stupid. 

What is the point? 

Oh my goodness, Ryan is on fire. 

Did Paula just flash a gang sign? I think Paula just flashed a gang sign. 

Hello top 7. 

Lil' is so bad. . why is she here? This is so horrible. Can we maybe not put her in a jumpsuit? K, thanks. 

Randy always says the same thing. . . how does he always say the same thing? 

Ohhhhhh, throwing her under the bus. Simon. . . that was c-r-u-e-l. 

Lil', you need to shut your mouth. Do you realize how annoying you sound? 

KRIS!!!!!! Yay!!!!! Please be amazing! 

This is so good. . . oh my goodness. He is so good. His "dancing" is adorable. And he has nice pants. 

I love Kris. I love him so much. He is the best. Ever. I'm going to buy this song too. 

His wife is SO cute! Oh my goodness. 

Wow, still throwing Lil' under the bus. 

WOOO! Go Kris!! Dark horse! Dark horse! 

Danny. . . . can he just leave. I mean. . really. . 

This song makes him seem more sleazy than he already does. 

His dance moves are stupid too. What are the judges thinking? They are going to make him no money. They will get old people to go to the concerts this summer, but his CD would not be cool. 

Oh my gosh Paula, don't encourage him. 

Yes Simon, make that smile melt off this face. 

Did he just pimp his dead wife again? 

Allison looks nice tonight. This is way better than last week I think. 

I hope she makes it to the top 3. 

Woo! Go Allison! 

Adam is good. . .but I'm a little bored. . . 

Oh my gosh. . is Paula crying? Is she freaking crying? 

Actually, I like it. . . it grew on me. That was super good. He is always so good. He should win. 

His hair looks good tonight too. 

How can Paula tell everyone they are going to be in the finals? 

GO ADAM! Seriously, Adam is the winner. He isn't even my favorite and I think he should win.

Oh my goodness, Adam might be the nicest person ever. 

Gosh. Someone had to do this song. Might as well have been Matt. 

He reminds me so much of Chris Richardson from season 6. 

Only Chris didn't have a mole. Matt's biggest downfall. 

Well, he can go home whenever. 

ANOOP! Oh no. . . not another ballad. . . . 

Well it got a little peppy. His voice is seriously so good. . . .but he has zero personality. Well, on the show. I'm sure he is a very fun person. 

He has a very nice smile. 

Oh Simon. . . you are such a hater tonight. You can only hate Danny. That is the only person you can hate. 

Go kris!!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Top 7 results


I'm having flash backs to the stupid boxing match theme last season. 

That was a bad time for American Idol. 

Heck yes. Miley Cyrus AND Jennifer Hudson??? Just kidding. . I'm not actually excited. 

This is probably my least favorite Ford video. . . and Matt looks kinda silly. . . not gonna lie. 

This is such a confusing group number. Who knows where they will come out of next! And Simon is a creeper. 

Lil's boobies are looking very voluptuous tonight. 

This was never a good song . . why are they having them sing it? 

They got to meet Zac Efron! Well, if they don't get anything out of this show, at least they got to do that. 

Yes! Allison! She needs to stay longer. This is good.
Adam is safe of course. When is he not safe? 
ANOOP! Noooooooo. He did such a good job. What is America thinking? 

Oh no, can Jennifer not hear herself? Well she is still doing a nice job. I mean. . . . this is not my kind of music. . . at all. . . but she still has a very amazing voice. Oh. . uh. . screechy voice. Nice screechy, I guess? 

Anoop seems pissed at all times. That is his downfall. 

YES! KRIS! You are brilliant! 

Lil', you and your ginormous making me feel awkward nippies can take a seat. Bam. 

Matt, we all know you are in the bottom. . .just go sit down. 

Danny, you are my least favorite. 

YYESSSSS!!!!!! ANOOP!!!!!!!! 

I hope that all the American Idol's hate Miley Cyrus. Because they are all a million times better than her. She could probably close her mouth, and still sing. . . through her nose. 

No head banging Miley, your hair is done up. . . you now look like Animal from the Muppets. 

Dang it. Lil' should have gone. 

Are Kara and Paula really doing that right now? They are acting like they are drunk. . . or in high school. . . one or the other.

Did they really just do that? 

What? 

Really? 

Did they really just save Matt? 

That is bizarre. I did not expect that. 

Apparently they are celebrating with a rain dance. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Top 7

We are just going to put pictures of Kris up because he is my favorite. 

Did Ryan just give up his favorite 
thing to say? He let someone else say
 "this is American Idol"? I'm so impressed right now. 

I'm so glad they stopped introducing the judges. That was so lame. 

Kara doesn't know what provocative means? How is she 
making so much money? 

This two judges at a time thing 
is stupid. Maybe if Simon didn't 
color on Paula's face they could actually make it through these things. 

I actually don't like Quentin 
Tarantino. . . I mean as 
in his movies. . .I know they 
are supposed to be amazing
and wonderful, and I sound stupid saying that, 
but I just don't like them.

I think it's because I'm a girl. Not that all girls 
don't like them, but if you're a boy and
don't like them. . I would
question your masculinity.
Only my lameness is on the line.

Allison. . .so it started out super boring. . . and 
then it got a little more
exciting. . . but she
isn't actually sounding that great. 
Which is weird, 
because she is usually always amazing.

She sounded sick, and looked kinda 
bored. . .or something. . .weird.

But everyone in the audience
loved it, so maybe 
we aren't hearing the 
same thing that
the live audience is hearing. 
Probably.

ANOOP! So I love and hate 
this song all at the same
time. Go Anoop! Go Anoop! I love this!
Bryan Adams can suck it! Any 
performance that is better
than the original is okay in my book.
I might actually buy this one.

I hate the clothes they put him in though.

Yay, Adam! He'll do 
great. . .obviously . . . because
he apparently can 
do no wrong. Please
don't scream, please don't
scream, please don't scream. 
Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhh. Why? Just once.
Just once keep that beautiful 
scream to yourself. 
All to yourself. Please, for my sake.

I feel like I just had a seizure.
So many flashing lights.

BUT. It was still amazing. 
He is still amazing. And 
Paula is still crazy. And 
Adam doesn't know
how to respond to her.

Matt's head is so square. 
It distracts me. Ew. . . he just 
pronounced "love" "luuuuuve". That
would be my pet peeve #834792.

I'm not really a fan tonight.

No one seemed to like that. . . Adam 
is a hard act to follow.

Apparently.

Can I just take this time to say
that there is no point for
them to have four 
judges if they can't
all judge every contestant. 
Time for Kara to move on.

I feel really bad for Matt.

Danny. . . Danny. . . Danny. . . .no glasses? 
That's nice.
Actually, no, 
I think you look like a
bigger douche 
without your glasses.
Or maybe a different kind of douche.

How does Quentin
know all these things 
about singing and performing?

Aw, hell no. He did not just 
pimp his dead wife again. 
Please tell me he did not just look up
at the end.

KRISSSSSSSSSS!!! Yay!!!!

That. Was. Freaking. Amazing.

I think I'll have to buy that one too.

Randy, I hate you. . . what is wrong with you?

That was so good. So so good. 
I have no words. I love him.

Lil'. Can I please remind everyone of this:


Yes. That is the song she is singing right now.

Why? Why? Can she 
please stop. now. 
What is around her waist?
A tape deck?
THAT WAS HORRIBLE. 
Quickly. 
Judges. 
Throw her under the bus. Fast.

Yes Lil', keep talking back.
America loves that. 
They will keep you around forever.


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Top 8 results


This is such a dramatic intro. 

Apparently that is their new thing. 

Last time I checked. . . this isn't that big of a deal. 

They are treating it like George Lucas would a battle between a Sith Lord and a Jedi Master. 
Yes, I took it there. 

Oh Ryan, I love you and your tie clips, and the fact that you are going to say "Flo Rida" a million times tonight. 

Ew, I will not say hi to Randy and his ugly shirt. 

Ryan and I are of one mind tonight. He called Simon Darth Vader. Apparently we both love Star Wars. 

Oh my goodness. I love Frankie Avalon. This is the best thing that has ever happened on American Idol. I want to go watch him on a cruise ship. . . and I mean that in the very best way possible. Really. I want to do that. 

But if we could not sing songs from 2002. . . that would be awesome. Especially songs entitled "Can't get you out of my head". 

How did we go from amazing classic songs like "Venus" to this? 

Is this not pre-recorded this week? Because it sounds horrible. 

Magic show for the Ford music video? Wow, they don't do this every year. . . 

So guess who has been inspired to have a new photo shoot with herself? 

Tomorrow is the beginning of spring break. This will be happening. 

I like Kris's shirt. That inspires me to make shirts. Maybe I'll do that over spring break too. So many options. 

Adam? Safe? I'm shocked! Just kidding. He should probably win the whole thing. 
KIRSSSSS!!!! SAFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEE. Yes. 
Anoop though. .. bottom three. I'm not actually surprised. He sang "True Colors", you can't not be in the bottom three. 

2nd time Ryan has said Flo Rida. 

3rd time Ryan has said Flo Rida. 

This is kind of a horrible song. Not really a family song. 

Also. . . if these dancers could be bigger hooers, that would also make it more family friendly. 

4th time Ryan has said Flo Rida

Did they just bleep him out? Did Flo Rida just swear? On American Idol? Oh, no, he is just mentioning things he isn't supposed to. No Flo Rida, they will not plug your live streaming concert. This is American Idol. 

And Flo, please don't complain about your struggles. You have a million bajillion dollars. 

The only African American that can complain about struggles is Obama, because he grew up in Hawaii. 

5th time Ryan has said Flo Rida (maybe the last?)

Danny is going home! Oh wait. . . that was just a wonderful dream. He is safe. 

Mole, I mean, Matt. . is safe. Ryan tried to trick him, but he wouldn't have it. 

Scott's hair is looking especially fluffy this evening. Chair time. 

I'm very happy that Lil' is in the bottom three. She needs to be there. I would actually be okay with her going home. But I already know who is going home. Because someone on Facebook or Twitter always tells me. It's getting annoying. 

Kellie Pickler? I really. . . don't like country music. . . 

This isn't sounding good. At all. Oh my goodness. . . she needs to stop playing in my ears. 

Ew, Simon, stop looking at Kellie's boobies. That is really uncomfortable. 

Okay, now stop looking at her butt. Do you not realize that a large majority of America is watching you? 

What is going on with her face? Did she have work done? She looks like she is in her 40's. . . last time I checked she was in her. . 20's? Right? 

Maybe she is going for the Faith Hill look. You know. . .washed up country star. . .ohhhhhhhhh, did I just say that out loud? I take it back. I didn't mean it. 

Lil' needs to go. And not back to the couches. 

Anoop and Scott. I want to pretend that I'm in suspense. . but I already know. 

Aw, Scott is so nice. 

Ahahaha, Maddy just said, "it's always so awkward when the blind person has to go home". 

Are they all crying? He isn't dying. He is just blind. He is more accomplished that most people who can see. 

Maddy is on a roll. I don't think I can repeat what she just said. It is just hitting below the belt. 

Okay fine, she said, "is he deaf too?"

Is this really the closest they've come to using the save? They didn't even pretend to deliberate this much for Alexis. 

Well, goodbye Scott, you are "one classy gentleman". 



Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Top 8


Who is that dead man in the audience? 

OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOODNESS! 

They listened!!! The judges weren't introduced! 

Oh. . but we are introduced to their baby pictures. Will they be singing from the year of their birth? Because if not then I really don't want to see these pictures. 

Is Simon Paul McCartney? Do all british men look like Paul McCartney? Because I think I need to get myself to England soon. 

Oh, Ryan was an unfortunate baby. 

Why do they keep showing the dead guy? 

Oh good, Danny Gokey. My favorite. No. . . not the favorite. . . very much not the favorite. 

Why is it that people I hate sing a song I love, and butcher it? 

John Lennon is the only person I will allow to sing this song. Ever. 

Actually I really like Archie from last season. . . just not him singing Stand By Me. . because. . only John Lennon is allowed to be played in my ears. 

I don't even know what the judges are saying. That wasn't anything special, at all. 

Does Danny use Sun-In? I feel that the tips are a little lighter. 

KRIS! Yay! 

Aw, he wanted to be a Taxi driver when he was little. . . adorable. 

Guess who is dancing in her seat? 

Kara needs to shut her mouth. 

It was wonderful. 

Paula can keep talking. 

It was wonderful. 

Simon needs to shut his mouth. 

It was wonderful. 

Randy needs to shut his mouth (wait. . did he even say anything?). 

It was wonderful. 

Lil' time. Is Lil's name kinda like Oprah's name? Was it actually an accident? And they just tell people it was on purpose? 

Lil' needs to stop with the huge songs that are way to big for her. She is not Tina turner. She can just leave. 

That sucked. I'm not even going to say anything else about it. 

Except, she "is an artist" *snap* *snap* *snap*. 

Go away. 

ANOOP! Well that was a nice little apology. 

So. . . I don't actually want to know that he was born the same day as David Cook. 

I hate this song. Really? True Colors? 

So I really like Anoop, but. . . I can't deal with this song. I only see Haley Scarnato from season 6. . . well. . . more like I see Haley Scarnato's legs. 

The judges are lame. What happened to "current" or "artistry"? Oh. . I know. . .Kris Allen happened. He was amazing. 

Scott. . . do I have to say anything about him? 

I feel bad since he is blind. 

Can I say bad things about a blind person? I don't think I can. I have to deal with this issue every week. 

Okay fine. . . this is horrible. This is horrible. This is horrible. This is HORRIBLE. 

I said it. 

Scott, it's time to put the "punk" side of you away. . very far away. . . very. . . very. . far. . . 

Allison. Okay. . . so her mom is a little slow, and that is why she is a singer, good to know. 

She looks like Kelly Clarkson tonight. 

This is really boring. 

Like. . . really. 

I mean, it's super good. . . but really boring. 

I'm over it. Kris needs to stay. I'm afraid he won't because of the judges comments. Say it ain't so. 

Paula is so scripted, it's amazing. 

Randy and I are on the same page this evening. 

Well Matt was one of THOSE children. 

I still get the home schooled vibe from him. I need to find out if he was or not. 

That was kinda boring. Like. . I was actually doing other stuff while he was singing. This is how I know it was boring. 

Okay, I hope Adam does really well. I don't want to start not liking him again. 

Ummmmmm. . . .Adam's dad is very bitter that he didn't like sports. I don't think he is comfortable with the gay son thing. Poor Adam. 

I LOVE THIS SONG. 

Okay. . . . this is kinda amazing. 

The whole thing. 

Wait. . not the snarl. No snarl please. 

But the chair, and the blue light. 

WHY? Every week? He has to scream? Just one week. . . one week. . he needs to just not scream. 

But that was freaking amazing. 

Seriously. 

WOAH. SIMON JUST GAVE A FREAKING STANDING OVATION. 

I have never seen that happen. 

Has that ever happened? 

I don't even know. 

Someone please tell me. 

I'm going to bed. 

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Top 9 results

First: Jason Castro Tweeted about who got voted off tonight. Soooo. . I already know going into this. 

 

BUT, Jason in the audience. Woo. 

 

36 MILlion votes? Wow Ryan, that is. . . the same as last week!

 

Lady Gagag is on tonight apparently. I hope that everyone caught Kara's face when Ryan said she was on the show. She was basically disgusted. 

 

David Cook has a latest hit? Interesting. 

 

Is Paula wearing a ice skating outfit? Of all the nights for them not to walk out on stage! Dang it! 

 

Ford time. That one is my favorite so far. 

 

Shoot me please. Group numbers just need to leave forever. Especially this one. And especially ones that are pre-recorded. And especially when you have people who can't lip synch. . .

 

Last night Lil' had VPL (visible panty line) tonight she has VNL (visible nipple line). Much worse. The stylists have it in for her. 

 

I don't actually want to see a week in the life of an idol. They can put these things online and I will watch them there, thank you very much. 

 

Hahaha, Matt's sexy face was hilarious. 

 

Chef David. Please come to my house. I have no money to pay you. . . but you can come anyway. 

 

Okay. . . so they all just made fun of each other. That was weird. 

 

I hate it when they change up the way they eliminate people. 

 

David Cook. . I've never heard this song. Ew, if his nose could not rest on the mic, that would be awesome. 

 

This song is really boring. He is looking nice though, his hair color is nice, and his complexion is looking nice also. Those are all the nice things I have to say. He is so funny. . . I love it whenever he is on Best Week Ever. And his mom is so cute. 

 

The ratio of Ryan's head to David's head. . . is hilarious. 

 

I'm thinking that the thought going through Lil's head right now is: "maybe if I stand really still they won't eliminate me".

 

Of course Kris is safe! 

 

Ryan is so good at tricking them this year. He must practice a lot. 

 

Okay. . uhhh. . Megan. . that was a bit much. The caw thing was nice when you sang your song. . but that was. . . a bit. . a lot. . much. 

 

Lil'! It worked! You stayed so still, and now you're safe! 

 

Adam is rocking the Manga look tonight, and is trying to shoot laser beams through his eyes at Lil'. 

 

Either that or the wax version of Adam Lambert has taken the stage tonight, and the real Adam Lambert is at home watching Gossip Girls (his guilty pleasure)

 

I'm not even going to acknowledge the fact that Danny will be here next week. But I will acknowledge that he is ridiculous in the worst way possible. 

 

Did Megan get into the raspberry cordial? I mean. . .Paula's "Coke" cup. . . 

 

Lady Gaga is like the non-tattooed version of Amy Winehouse. Looking anyway. 

 

And then she is the female version of Adam. . or maybe Adam is the female version of Adam? 

 

That was entertaining. 

 

Oh, and never mind, she totally doesn't look like Amy Winehouse. . I meant Debbie Harry. 

 

Yay! That's really good that Allison is staying. 

 

Really. . . . . . raspberry cordial. Megan. . . . a lot. . . a lot of raspberry cordial. . . . 

 

Well good for her. Way to go out with a bang.